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Thursday, April 19, 2012

I'm sick of being Autism poor and I want to get married dammit!

Forgive another pop culture reference but I'm a stay at home Autism mommy. My links with the world often start with the prefix www.

So recently the "Five Year Engagement" has come to theaters. I know you are thinking, how this could possibly relate to Autism. I will explain my line of thinking that I've got to "spew". Hubby and I have been engaged for over five years. We've been thinking about getting married for about seven (since before I got pregnant with our first). Our older DS is six years old and has Autism. Do you see the correlation? No, well, we are broke because of Autism. It is not often I stop to tally the cost of what Autism has taken from us; it's just TOO freaking depressing! When it comes to weddings I can't help it, it's rubbed in face on a regular occasion that my children's father and I are not married.

I saw a contest on facebook relating to the aforementioned movie that asked contestants to send in ten "save the dates".

These are the little pre-invites (usually fridge magnets) that people send out months before the actual date of the wedding so that guests can make appropriate preparations for travel and to take time off. Well here is the thing about that; we've never sent any out. I would've liked to enter but I couldn't even bring myself to lie, it's just too sad. We've never sent any because we both knew we had no real chance of getting married (at least in the way we would like too).

Between organic SCD (specific Carbohydrate Diet) cooking for over four years, Tons of trips for Chelation and IVIG, supplements and bio-medical tests, special Autism school tuition and driving to and fro from the school and various therapy appointments, buying a car that can handle all this travel, having the necessity of only one parent working to deal with everything that Autism entails, etc, etc, etc. All these details seem incalculable but what they add up to is that we are BROKE.

Each year we would say, "next year, with our tax return". Over that last four years since DS was diagnosed we've had two years where we got less than half of what we expected to get and two years it got spent on what else, Autism "stuff". It's pretty frustrating uphill battle, but I wouldn't change it. I know we did the right thing for our kid but it would be nice to get something for ourselves. I would like to stop being sneered at by the upper middle class for being the "baby momma".

So this year we sort of did it. After all we've made it through (way more that most married couples could stand). We thought we deserved a proper wedding. We booked a location (which we meticulously researched) and I reserved a dress (which I love). We even put down deposits on both. I personally designed our "save the dates" and invitations. I came up with a color pallet, theme and decided how we want to register (for a few kitchen/household things that we need, activities for the honey moon and some money to go to charity). I drooled over and dreamt of yellow shoes and black eyed Susan’s.

 I want you to understand to, this is no fifty thousand dollar gala either. We live in south Fl., it is pretty expensive to get married here and we are looking to spend less than ten thousand dollars, which is very conservative. We stayed in budget, a small miracle by wedding standards.

Now the tax money is gone (another year where we got less than half) and we can't even afford the "save the dates" off of, joy. Well Jason Segel (whom I normally love) screw you. I suppose it will all work out. I've been trying to invoke "The secret" for years, thoughts are things you know. We are rich beyond measure. We just can't write checks to pay for this long awaited dang wedding.  


  1. Marriages are overrated.

  2. I can't argue with that old saying instead I'll counter you, the heart wants what it wants :)