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Monday, July 2, 2012

I'm exhausted and it's only 10am

Today is woefully Monday. I shouldn't be sitting at my desk writing. I have a million Autism related chores to do. We have chelation this weekend, but can we afford it (I need to work on the budget), do I have to reschedule? How will that affect our upcoming DAN doctor appointment (that I've started making travel arrangements for) and subsequently will all the food allergies we've been testing go to waste? How long can they be in his system to be effectively tested (I need to read the kit again)? I don't want to feed him this stuff more than once, risking regressions, crazy and loud behavior, or our old foe constipation.

My stomach is roiling. I haven't had breakfast because I had to get Jonathan off therapy (at 8am during the summer, yay). Straight away afterwards I had to go to two stores, one for most things, because this store is cheaper and then on to the store with the organic goods (to spend an arm and leg). I forgot my debit card and only made it to one store. I drive home to my neurotypical son telling me "daddy said we're going to crash" and "I'm going to jump out of the car". Really, sometimes I don't know where kids get the stuff they say. I didn't think there was such thing as a morbid Cosby moment. I come home, unload and put away with the groceries by myself; my younger child is also sick and has the attitude to prove it so he isn't helping me unload. I email our landlord again about paying rent late and the air not working. Then I pay the FPL online, check the due date for the next kidney sale and move on.

It's only 10am, I haven't had coffee. I'm already exhausted (maybe due to selling 2/3 of my organs). My body is sore from cleaning yard debris from Debby and bathing two reluctant children yesterday. I have to bake sweet potato cake, applesauce and make almond milk and yogurt all after going back out to the store to fetch the organic goodies I couldn't get to this morning. Plus we are supposed to be having "respite" tonight. At this point "respite" to me would be a daytime nap without interruption. What respite tonight really means is that my kids, my house and I should be clean (not look good but just merely clean), so unerringly that means more work to do. Everything I mentioned before will also have to be clean for in home ABA Tuesday afternoon, (which is after we have to drive out to J's OT appoint thirty minutes away). Plus our dang dryer keeps shutting off without drying our clothes so I have about six loads of laundry waiting in garage in various stages of clean-ish-ness.

Again, I'm exhausted, and it's only 10am.

To relax while I desperately scarf down a yogurt and banana I click over the facebook. I have to admit, I love Facebook. I think it's a wonderful way to connect to other people for those that are tethered to the kitchen or laundry room like myself. Overridingly I'm astounded at the Autism mom's on my FB profile. A few have already had enough get up and go to post a few things a piece. The two I see posting most often are Lin Wessels!/linwessels4asd and Lisa Joyce Goes!/ljgoes .

Lin has a higher functioning son. She constantly posts links to bio-medical sources, studies and every other Autism thing you can think of. Lin also takes her son, awesome kid with cooper colored hair, to meet government officials. Recently he met Ron Paul, Newt Gingrich, Mitt Romney, Michelle Bachman, Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee. He asks them questions about Autism. It’s freaking amazing right?!?

Lisa Joyce Goes has a lower functioning child (one of three I believe). She also posts frequent links to Autism related studies and info. but her real treasure is her blog . She writes long touching incredibly insightful things about Autism almost EVERYDAY! The things she writes resonate with me but I have the feeling they would resonate with so many others not directly connected to the Autism world, which in my humble opinion is very important.

They both, every single day fight the battle for not only awareness BUT ACTION! They face criticism, ridicule and outright anger, EVERYDAY! My only question is how.................................

Personally I feel buried most days; the constant information on Autism is OVERWHELMING. I'm just trying to get through the never ending "to do" list, slogging away like Sisyphus.

The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.

I wonder how they have the time to read these articles, write these blogs without going crazy, without their house burning down or their kids beating each other to a pulp? On a good day I may have time to read one or two, and that is a very good day. Any blog I write has usually been formulating in my head for a week at least (if not over the last few years). I'm so thankful to these people for doing what they do. I admire and respect them and logically I know they are human beings and parents. Sometimes it is just hard to see it from the bottom of the "to do" list pile.

Its, well now its 11:30 in the morning and I still haven't had any coffee. I think I'll go get a cup.

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