ELEVEN DAYS till I-D day!

In these previous posts that I've written about my upcoming nuptials (http://autismspewage.blogspot.com/2012/04/im-sick-of-being-autism-poor-and-i-want.html & http://autismspewage.blogspot.com/2013/02/death-taxes-autism-weddings-all-of-my.html. Well, we are officially under the two week countdown, specifically we have eleven days till I-D day.
 
Oddly, this situation reminds me very much of when I was hugely pregnant. People have been projecting their expectations onto me for about the last month (thank god I don't have to wear a count down on my forehead like I did under my cotton knit blends when I was pregnant). I find these expectations funny because Dave and I have been together for ten years this August, yet people still feel compelled to ask me if I'm nervous. It's as stereotypical as requesting a belly rub or asking if I'm carrying twins (which is something people frequently asked me while I was pregnant, both times, baby had front).

The only thing I'm nervous about is paying for this shin-dig.  Since we are down to the nitty gritty (we have four days to get our floor plan, entrée selections and guest count in) we are just waiting for people to drop out. I just want this thing done and I really do feel that "the color of the napkins doesn't matter" (http://autismspewage.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-wedding-update-that-wasnt-nobody.html). Our compromise's have been many and great but it's still our best and most worthwhile shot to do this thing. Ironically being poor gives me a ton of control, but mostly because I've got to do it all myself (but ASD & regular mommies feel me here) what else is new.

Hey girl, I'm loving those legs!

Please don't misunderstand, I'm in a tizzy about getting the last minute details done. I've got a laundry list of shizzzz to accomplish. I need to finish the music list, dye my hair, cut my hair, get my boy's suits, get DH's suit altered and pressed. We have NO flower girl and don't have our ceremony planned AT all. I'm baking the cake and making the bouquets. Which has to be done, last minute, along with organizing our cumulatively crazy families (which is a major task in and off itself). That eloquent paragraph only covers a few of more PRESSING issues which are setting at the tips of my neurons. I KNOW more things will evitablely pop up. Considering in an average month I make time to shave my legs only once, all these extra tasks seem a bit insurmountable.

With that being said, I still don't feel too panicked. Before I even got pregnant with Jonathan DH (in nick-name only) and I were talking about getting married. He proposed officially when I was six months pregnant with David (not that much after our initial talks). Many tax returns and one Autism diagnosis later here we finally are, a little over six years later. So, to say I'm ready is a bit of an understatement

My thoughts are DH and I have already weathered some of the major issues most couples would split over. We've experienced a job-loss, eviction, and of course, illness of a child. The illness being Autism, the most debated, controversial and frustrating disorder to speak of, all this while dealing with all of J's bio-medical issues to boot. We are survivors of the great Autism statistic (supposedly 80% of marriages in which a child is diagnosed don't last) and we've come out whole on the other side. Believe me, I'm not tempting fate, but we are solid. Our backgrounds, morals and goals are the same and they all revolve around our boys.

So should you feel compelled to ask, I'll answer you now with a wry smile: don't worry about my feet, they are toasty warm :)

I'm sick of being Autism poor and I want to get married dammit!

Forgive another pop culture reference but I'm a stay at home Autism mommy. My links with the world often start with the prefix www.

So recently the "Five Year Engagement" has come to theaters. I know you are thinking, how this could possibly relate to Autism. I will explain my line of thinking that I've got to "spew". Hubby and I have been engaged for over five years. We've been thinking about getting married for about seven (since before I got pregnant with our first). Our older DS is six years old and has Autism. Do you see the correlation? No, well, we are broke because of Autism. It is not often I stop to tally the cost of what Autism has taken from us; it's just TOO freaking depressing! When it comes to weddings I can't help it, it's rubbed in face on a regular occasion that my children's father and I are not married.

I saw a contest on facebook relating to the aforementioned movie that asked contestants to send in ten "save the dates".

http://offbeatbride.com/2012/04/five-year-engagement-movie

These are the little pre-invites (usually fridge magnets) that people send out months before the actual date of the wedding so that guests can make appropriate preparations for travel and to take time off. Well here is the thing about that; we've never sent any out. I would've liked to enter but I couldn't even bring myself to lie, it's just too sad. We've never sent any because we both knew we had no real chance of getting married (at least in the way we would like too).

Between organic SCD (specific Carbohydrate Diet) cooking for over four years, Tons of trips for Chelation and IVIG, supplements and bio-medical tests, special Autism school tuition and driving to and fro from the school and various therapy appointments, buying a car that can handle all this travel, having the necessity of only one parent working to deal with everything that Autism entails, etc, etc, etc. All these details seem incalculable but what they add up to is that we are BROKE.

Each year we would say, "next year, with our tax return". Over that last four years since DS was diagnosed we've had two years where we got less than half of what we expected to get and two years it got spent on what else, Autism "stuff". It's pretty frustrating uphill battle, but I wouldn't change it. I know we did the right thing for our kid but it would be nice to get something for ourselves. I would like to stop being sneered at by the upper middle class for being the "baby momma".

So this year we sort of did it. After all we've made it through (way more that most married couples could stand). We thought we deserved a proper wedding. We booked a location (which we meticulously researched) and I reserved a dress (which I love). We even put down deposits on both. I personally designed our "save the dates" and invitations. I came up with a color pallet, theme and decided how we want to register (for a few kitchen/household things that we need, activities for the honey moon and some money to go to charity). I drooled over http://offbeatbride.com/ and dreamt of yellow shoes and black eyed Susan’s.

 I want you to understand to, this is no fifty thousand dollar gala either. We live in south Fl., it is pretty expensive to get married here and we are looking to spend less than ten thousand dollars, which is very conservative. We stayed in budget, a small miracle by wedding standards.

Now the tax money is gone (another year where we got less than half) and we can't even afford the "save the dates" off of www.zazzle.com, joy. Well Jason Segel (whom I normally love) screw you. I suppose it will all work out. I've been trying to invoke "The secret" for years, thoughts are things you know. We are rich beyond measure. We just can't write checks to pay for this long awaited dang wedding.